Giovanna Spantigati

The piano bar is almost full.
It was a warm day down on the beach. In the evening we had a pleasant dinner with a lot of food, conversations and smiles. Now it is a pleasure to sit on a white wicker chair by the illuminated pool surrounded by plants. A light breeze comes from the sea.

It will be a magic evening. At last, one year has passed and I can see Paolino (young Paul) again. Enzo, the piano player, has arrived. He says hallo to the new guests, says we will have fun together and that he will play for us every night during our vacation at the Oasis village of Paestum.

I look around, drink coffee and see many elegant ladies, a little sun burnt, but good looking in their clothes and with makeup on. Everyone is looking forward to hearing music. I can't believe I'm here again. I'm excited, it seems to me that I never left this place. In front of the piano, a different chair from the others, without white cushions. A small green plastic chair with a sign attached above. "Reserved. SuperPaolino " Sitting on a chair a child is listening quietly and carefully. He is the first to arrive. Enzo sees me, he remembers me.

And just like one year ago, he smiles at me and his fingers start dancing with love on the keyboard to play "Roma Capoccia". I can not help myself. I take off my uncomfortable shoes and run to embrace Paolino. "Paolino, do you remember me?" He caresses my hand and smiles at me. Paolino, deep blacks eyes looking elsewhere. "The woman from Turin!" he says with a burst of joy. I take him up and clasp him tightly to me while we dance our song. Paolino is happy, sings loudly, leans his head back, I feel his little heart beating wildly, his cries fill me with life. Barefoot dancing with an angel, surrounded by lights, colors, people, noise, I feel nothing, see nothing. "Paolino, cling to me, I can not hold you, you have grown!"

I close my eyes, my heart beats faster, perhaps even faster than my angel's. The song is over, I'm out of breath, my makeup is undone, I'm sweating but I'm happy. Paolino, the mascot of the village, always wants to listen to music, he lives for that. Nine years spent trying to understand the world through his hands, with his ears, always ready to smile at life and at those who love him. Music, lots of music in the village. Group dances twice, three times a day. Paolino never misses them. He doesn't care if he must be hold by hands, his smile given to heaven makes you realize that music is life for the soul. I remember Paolino, one day at the beach, lying on the couch, who held his professional microphone tight, waiting for his friends to go and see him, take him in their arms and take him to swim. He trusts his friend. He is not afraid. I could not believe that Paolino would remember me. You know, kids at that age forget quickly. But last summer, after dancing with him almost every night, I decided send him a cd as a surprise. I sent him the CD by AntonelloVenditti playing this famous song: "Roma Capoccia". Now, unexpectedly, he knows it by heart. I couldn't believe it. He even sings, changing words, and making everyone laugh, "Paestum Capoccia."(Paestum is the name of the place where the village is). Now, every time I listen to this song I'm moved, I miss him, I think of his immensely sweet face. Paolino has a sister and two brothers who adore him, a nanny who always helps him to learn how to walk and says firm, in poor Italian: "Paolino you walk! He always to walk, he improved so much! "Paolino's mother hides her vulnerability behind an impenetrable mask. A strength and courage you can rarely see. A mother who gives, just to me, a silent smile from a distance. A smile means everything, a smile that no one else will ever see.

Only those who know pain and despair, can recognize them in another person's eyes. Only those who live with their endless anxieties can give a smile full of love to those who hide, for dignity, survival, fear, endless pain, acceptance of what is humanly unacceptable. But at the end of this helpless feeling, Anna Rita, Paolino's mother, like many others, has an inner light that has been growing every day until it became a fire. A small flame that exploded with the power of fireworks and became the unstoppable eruption of a volcano. A fire that burns everything in it. It burns fears, resignation, courage and increases power hundredfold. The courage to face an unpredictable life, a difficult life where you can never take a break, a world too often hostile, and the courage to fight against the insensitivity of certain institutions, especially against physical and mental barriers. The courage of the fighters ready to fight until death. Those who know this fire are aware that it is not anguish, not anger, not despair, not the non-acceptance, it is much more than simply love. Anna Rita, beautiful gladiator, and I, we know what we see into each other's eyes. Our smile means all this.


Giovanna Spantigati