Giovanna Spantigati

Adolescence: a difficult but necessary step to become adult and self-confident.

Careful parents have the responsibility to help their child reassuring him, without judgment, staying by his side because they have already gone through it. But how can the parent of a disabled child support him in this period full of sufferings and lack of self-confidence? You don't have the right to say: "I understand you" ; you can't do it. You can't put yourself into his place, you can't change your roles and you don't even have the right to live a different life from yours. Yet I think it must be really tough for a disabled young boy or girl to live and overcome his adolescence problems. Just wearing glasses makes youngsters feels uneasy and insecure. What about those youngsters who can't listen, can't see or live on a wheel-chair, then? It can't be easy. At the same time it would be wrong to feel guilty because parents cannot understand what he feels.

In this period youngsters find it difficult to get in touch with others and at the same time they have strong sexual impulses. They need affection, love and they feel their body is not under control. Everything is much easier if they are smiley, joyful and people trust them. But impulses and needs are always there. The love of their family is not enough any longer. This period will finish, they will overcome it, they will find the man, the woman who loves them if they learn to love themselves first. But how can I help my child to go through this step? I would like to reassure him without diminish his feelings, simply being by his side and letting him live his life. Trusting him without interfering. Being realistic and not raising his expectations. Never telling lies and never putting me in his shoes and vice versa. What helped me most in my life was to see how my father reacted to this situation.

When I was told my small child was disabled (he was one year old), I turned to my father, I was panicking and I asked: "And now what are we going to do?!" My pain was unbearable. I desperately craved a miracle. "We will do all what we can". He didn't tell lies. He didn't say: "everything will be ok", he didn't say: "don't suffer". And he taught me to be as brave as a lion.


Giovanna Spantigati