Giovanna Spantigati

Manu, sweet eyes, little deer, curious baby monkey, tiny sparrow, you are music for my feelings, you arouse the sweetness, passion, love for life, hope in me. Manu grows... Nothing is static, everything changes, everything passes, but you're always there, always there... always peaceful, always sweet, always hopeful, you are always there ... I am more and more tired, more and more alone, more and more fearful, but you're there ...

Martina grows up, now she goes out with her friends ... What a joy! Now that she is 14 she goes out with girlfriends on Saturday afternoon, sometimes a movie on Saturday night, a pizza... words whispered to her friends, opening her heart to life, heart which beats when she sees a particular boy... Wonderful years ... Life bursts, she needs to share everything with her girlfriends, she needs to be loved, to be part of a group ... She feels invincible, she makes plans for her future .. "You know, Mom, Sabrina and I want to go to live together, we're thinking of a tiny house... but we don't plan to buy it, is it true that houses cost too much? We'll look for a job not far from our home, so we'll have less expenses ..." Her dreamy expression, her smile ... the future will be great ...

But what about you, Manu? You are always there in your bedroom .. three windows, lots of light, the light on the world ... you are always there, silently, sitting at your pc ... looking for friends on web, looking for a meaning to your life, telling me "Mom you know I love you?" closing your door, "it is private!" cars ads and information on the web... writing to your disabled friends… they are all adults.. many uncles, like wise relatives... it's great ... many uncles … all patient, loving and full of hope for you ... And you are there ...

But it's all wrong, it's all damned unfair ... Where are the best years of your life? Friends do not wait for you to go out and eat pizza, do not try to discuss with you, they don't need you ... sometimes they decide to spend a short time with you because… "poor boy" you were born like this. It hurts to see the difference ... the difference between a life of games ... and a life of dreams, your dreams. What do you dream Manu? Do you have dreams about friends picking you up? Tell me you do not suffer, light of my heart, tell me that your life is beautiful the way it is, tell me you do not want it to be different ... It hurts ... Good Lord, it hurts so much ... I cannot look at your loneliness feeling so powerless ... Your days are spent at school, then therapy, weariness... Small, frail chick, you will break my heart. "Mom, I love you" But I'm not your friend, not your girlfriend, not your future ... I'm not your life, I've just given it to you, your life...


Giovanna Spantigati